Friday, 30 May 2008

Going with the flow

A long, long time ago, I've read something that goes like, "Get a job you want and you'll never have to work a single day of your life." Even though that may have been years ago, I can still recall that at that precise moment of my life, I understood exactly what that adage meant.

Nonetheless, lessons learned are almost always forgotten if not incorporated into daily existence. That understanding I had is no exception; throughout my professional life, I've not thought about doing something I like. It was always about what I value at any given time.

I accepted my first job since it pays well, long story short. But no, it wasn't just about the money, I told myself before I began working there. My first work was something in line with my interest - writing. However, things proved to be not to my personal preferences, for even though I was basically writing stuff the whole day, there were other matters that had to be taken into consideration.

And so, I resigned from there. My focus shifted; money was not everything, career growth was deemed of higher priority. I got a job and tried to become the professional I envisioned myself to be. But there was a catch - I'd be honed into a good white-collar worker but how that would be done will largely depend on the company's needs.

Company decisions were made, and I was tossed about like a baseball among warming-up pitchers and catchers (at least that's how I feel). Still I persevered - bills were due and my salary is barely enough to pay them. I endured the things I thought I couldn't.

Another shakeup, and I find myself where I am now. Some problems were indeed solved, but new ones surface to take their place. And then realization sets in, yet no answer is apparent.

I had just been going with the flow. And much like a dry leaf being tossed about by the breeze, I merely allowed my personal destiny to be shaped by unseen forces.

Yes I realize my errors, but no solution seem to be better than that which I have always known since I've read it - to get a job I like. And it's not like doing just that will be remotely possible in the light of current situations.

I just feel so helpless in the sense that I know I can do something but I can't do just that for a plethora of reasons. And yeah, I'm quite depressed right now. XD

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