Saturday, 11 April 2009

Reflection

Over the past few days, I've gotten one of those rare chances to reflect and think things over. It was largely due to some work-related activity involving a great deal of travel that I found time to ponder and re-discover some of those things that I've been forgetting as time goes by.

As of now, there's no question regarding my future plans: I've already made my mind to, again, let the fates decide one way or another. No, it's not the things to come that I greatly thought of; rather, I spent a lot of time reminiscing the things that I'd rather not bring to my consciousness during any ordinary day.

I remembered one thing in particular: that I have lots of frustrations and failed dreams. They still haunt me, although I rarely realize that they do; as a matter of fact, they are deeply buried in my subconscious mind that even if I don't live the negativity associated with them, they still alter my way of thinking and still cause some actions or decisions that I'd not have had in the first place.

Despite all my frustrations, I still emerge in control somehow. Perhaps this is due to a stronger analytical mind than before, or maybe brought about by a more fortified will power. One thing's for sure though - I still get to see the brighter side of things.

We can't have everything, I've long accepted that fact. But the thing is, I really do not ask for anything much, but sometimes I get what I never wanted and I find the things that I've longed for continually slipping away from my grasp. I do have more than what others may be in need of, however I can't lay my hands on those that I really yearn for.

I had never been one to fall for stupid mistakes, but all the wrongs I've done - they surely are greater as compared to what others may cause. This had always been one of those frustrations: that I screw up at the gravest possible way, in the most critical time, and at the worst place that I could. I had never wished to be perfect; I just wanted to be a better me.

Yet through it all, I can't help but feel satisfied over the littlest things with each wondrous passing day, in every sumptuous meal on the dining table, and at every sensible post I can put in this blog.

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